You Hang in there Sunshine!

Source: Uploaded by user via Jill on Pinterest

Classic Women

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Happy New Year's Eve, Eve!

Haaayyy! Mama's having a champagne cocktail, and later a caviar dream (in other words, an orange juice mimosa and bed at 11pm, still awesome!) 

New Year's Eve, Eve is for the most advanced Holiday celebreteurs!

Crappy Day at the Corporation

Crappy ear buds have contributed to a most unpleasurable Pandora experience, at the Corporation today.  It's the little things....ya know?

December 21 Apocalypse

Source: dumpaday.com via Brittany on Pinterest

A Fox Family Christmas 2012

The Fox Family Christmas 2012! This year, we kicked off the season with the Biltmore House Christmas Candlelight Tour, something I've wanted to do for years, and it did not disappoint! The experience was beautiful, gorgeous, fantastic, and perfect (check out my instagram photos in the side bar).  And staying in the most perfect little cabin in Asheville, was the icing on the cake.

Family, friends, and Hannah's pink-eye (yes, that's right, pink-eye) came and went, and so did my sanity, periodically. Christmas day was great, except for when Ethan got up at 4am, at which point we said, "No...just no...." 5am rolled around, and we finally caved...somebody gimme some bean! (coffee)

After our blood pressures stabilized, we had a fun and relaxing day. The Kindle Fires were a hit, especially with my 9yr old! So, I took some silly pictures (see above) and we played, we giggled, we ate, made mimosas and watched A Christmas Story over and over, (Ralphie's mom is the best!), and I lounged around in my new, red, Christmas bathrobe complete with Christmas socks, all day! While the above photo doesn't convey this, our resident IT professional also had a fun day! hahahaha!  

On Christmas Eve night, my special little snowflake (Ethan) and I had a conversation about gift giving, etc..., and we came to the conclusion that Jesus was the one who should be getting gifts, after all it's his birthday!

So, while Christmas time can be hectic and crazy, ultimately great family, friends and fabulous Christmas music make it easy for me to love every minute of it! By the way, next time you get a craving for iced, decorated sugar cookies, consider the photo below, as it may influence your decision!

Tis the Season! hahahaha!

Source: healthyselfhappylife.tumblr.com via Hannah on Pinterest

The Real Reason

Source: chrisdenengelsman.nl via Shannon on Pinterest

Tis the Season for Pink-eye!

Nothing like a little pink-eye on Christmas Eve.

Yes! That's right! My 4yr old has the pink-eye on Christmas Eve!

SUPER-DUPER!

But it's a simple call-in prescription, never fear Mom is here! The devil will NOT spoil Christmas, no sireeee!

psssst...Hey!

 I'm fine....really!

Source: wrinkledmommy.com via Debbie on Pinterest

Oscar Peterson - "The Christmas Waltz" (Lorne Lofsky, Guitar; Rick Wilki...Love, Love, Love

Mommy's Special Snowflake

This school morning was going surprisingly well, when I noticed that my 9 yr old male subject was sitting on the couch with his baseball sliding shorts on, (sliding shorts, underwear what's the difference) socks and shoes, and nothing else. Just sitting there.

Me: Darling precious, did you put on your shoes before you put on your clothes?
Ethan: What? (looks down, noticing himself) Oh....yeah.....(giggle, giggle)

For the love of all that is holy in this world.

Obviously a cartoonist has broken into my house!

Source: noliesplace.com via You Know it Happens on Pinterest

Ooooh! Yes Please, How Much?

I love a snowflake!

Source: Uploaded by user via Deborah on Pinterest

!

Three Wise Women

Source: fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net via Hansol on Pinterest

For the Love of All That is Holy in This World

I feel compelled to re-post this after yet another school morning of attempting to get my 9 yr old male ready for school. If I didn't already have documented proof of his mental acuity, I would have him tested, because let me tell you, he is one special snowflake. 

I don't even tell him to get up, or set a clock as these are utterly ineffective. I usually drag him out of bed, stand him upright and point him to the bathroom for a shower. Oddly, this tactic is most effective as I get zero resistance. But alas, it is the easiest part of the morning, and let me just say that I've tried charts, graphs, incentives, beatings, rantings, and gnashing of teeth but to little or no avail. Here's a sample of our routine:

Me:  Ethan wash your hair and use soap! (repeat 3x)
Me: Ethan get out of the shower! (repeat 3x)
Me: (Sniff test with questionably results) Ethan get your clothes on! (repeat 456x, the shower effect usually renders him catatonic, I don't know if it's the warm coziness of the water/steam or....I don't even know what...
Me: Eat! (repeat 3x)
Me: Go brush your teeth! (repeat 3x)
Me: Alright everybody MOVE OUT! (the door)
Me: Ethan go back and get your bookbag! (e-v-e-r-y d-a-y)
Me: Ethan, what's the first thing you do when you get into a vehicle?
Ethan: Huh? What? Oh yeah!! (eureka! e-v-e-r-y d-a-y)

Now, as an  observer of the natural world, I am amazed at how this kid experiences each day, anew, with no prior knowledge or memory of the previous day...hmmm...a curious phenomenon. His grandparents say, "Oh, he's just so busy, his mind is somewhere else."  Yeah, somewhere in special snowflake land, bless his little heart.

However, this morning was different in that his father was to take him to school. The routine went as usual except for the bookbag part. Both males exited the home, got into the vehicle....and there I stood on the sidewalk, bookbag in hand waiting to see if it would occur to either of them that the bookbag should even be a part of this little dog and pony show.

Ethan looks out the window at me and for a moment has a puzzled look on his face...wait for it....wait for it.......and....there it is, I actually saw the light bulb in his little head. Then it all became clear as mud to me, as I reflected upon the power of genetic inheritance in familial relationships.

Sometimes you just have to accept the limitations of your special snowflakeS. (as I write this, my 4 yr has spilled a cup of lemonade, a cup of water, and a container of some other such liquid, kill me now, but I digress.)

Yes, he's an honor roll student, yes he placed second in his elementary school spelling bee, and I'm pretty sure he knows more about meteorology than a professional meteorologist, but I do worry about his ability to perhaps one day function as a college student, or maybe even, dare I say, a responsible adult. So every day I pray a little prayer...For the love of all that is holy in this world, please let him get through middle school, high school, and into college!

Bless his little heart.

Hannah: "Mama I want to watch the Christmas Donkey!"

I love Buddy!

The most fun workout ever!

Thankschristmasgiving Lesson: Don't be a Cottonheaded Ninnymuggins

Well, we did it. Got it all done complete with turkey, KFC and a bushel of oysters, compliments of our coastal peops, and with only a bit of blood shed.  Now we did have "men down", as they waged their own private battle against the evil viral forces, but overall it was great fun.

Amid the Pre-Thankschristmasgiving prep, which of course is chaotic, my 9yr old asked me a strange question:

Ethan:  Mom, what's your biggest regret?
Me: (oh good Lord!) Uuummmmm....jeez where do I start.....
Ethan:  Is it having kids?
Me:  Whaaat?! Heavens No I've always been a sucker for torture! Besides, just the other day I was the "best mama ever!" Good Grief.  Nevertheless, I was haunted by his comment. Now seriously, both of my precious love muffins were not only planned, but immensely loved, even when only mere thoughts! I DO regret having some fairly odd personality traits that keep me from getting the "Mom of the Year Award" and it's my cross to bear but it doesn't keep me from trying like hell!

Sooo...in the words of my wise little 4yr old:  "BE COOL MAN!"  Because like Santa, your kids are watching YOU! .....and alway remember....

Of Course!

School Mornings in Crazytown

Ethan:  I dreamed I had a chainsaw, and I was fighting Zombies!
Me:  Did you win?
Ethan: I was about too, then you woke me up!

Moms ruin everything.

Aaahh! Here's to Yoga!

Help me Dear, Little, Baby Jesus get it all done before tomorrow!

So my part in the Criscoe Family Thankschristmasgiving is:

- mac n cheese
- collard greens
- Buckeye Balls
- Oreo Trifle Deliciousness
- Spinach Artichoke Dip with Pita Chips

Again, Dear Little Baby Jesus, help me get it all done.  This might not seem like a lot for one woman, but for me.....well, like my 9 yr. old, I'm easily distracted.  

mama! you have to record this! i love it! (the 4y old)

Oobi

"I don't know what to say! It's Christmas, we're all in Misery!"

Oh come on! This IS funny! Thought I would waste time here, while my list of "stuff" to do/clean/shop, by tomorrow grows exponentially.  It's fun to add extra layers of stress, but then again, that's what Holiday Mimosas are for. My people are celebrating what I like to call "Thankschristmasgiving". Keeps us all from being economically hit twice in two months. I think it's genius. Groceries and gas will put you in the poor house. Now don't get me wrong, it's going to be a blast, but as you well know, event prep is hell. Okay, fun time is over, pardon me while I go have a tiny panic attack. By the way, my kids will come home, see the cleanliness and say, "Who's coming over?"   

Down with Entropy!

A Blankie in the Face

On our way to school this morning:

Hannah: Mom I want my blankie! (I throw it to her, she's sitting behind me)

Hannah: Mom! Don't slam me in the face!

Me: Well Hannah, I'm trying to drive here.

Ethan: Hannah, would you rather have a blankie slammed in your face, or get into a car wreck?

Hannah: I want my Blankie, not slammed in my face! 

Ethan:  That's not a choice. 

My Ethan, ever the realist.

Desperate For Chocolate

Eating Nutella straight out of the jar.

Always a Full House at Christmas Time!

Wish I knew the Artist, I love this Illustration

Let me just say that I Love Pinterest Forever!

Yes that's right, FOREVER!

A Royal Baby! So Ethan Says....

This morning, on our way to school, we're be-boppin along to our local Christmas music station, and the radio guy interrupts with an announcement that Princess Kate is finally going to have a baby! I'm beside myself, because Hannah and I watched the fabulous wedding, more than once. So here goes:

Me:   Hannah! Princess Kate is going to have a baby princess! (immediately, I think dear God, what pandora's box have I opened!)
Hannah:    I want to have a baby! (Gahhh! Here it comes!)
Me:   You can, after you graduate from college and get married. (wait for it...)
Hannah:   But I want one now, just for me!  (of course)

So Ethan Says:    No Hannah, mama and deddy can't handle another one, besides if they have another one they won't play with you as much!   (There it is, kids are keen observers of the natural world, good, bad, or crazy.)

Hannah: Well when I have one, I'm going to name her Bella! (such a girly)

Entropy Strikes Again!

So last night I threw away 4 garbage bags of......crap, while wading through clothes, toys, marshmallows, and an assortment of sports equipment, last night. It looked like an episode of Hoarder's! Except that the hoarder was a fairly optimistic and happy kid and the patient organizer was a ranting, maniacal mom muttering about one day being featured on the show Hoarders or having the Health Department come in to condemn the place.

 I probably shouldn't have thrown away the keyboard or the pencil box, but it's a slippery slope, I tell ya. You start 2nd guessing your waste removal decisions and next thing you know you're pooping in Walmart bags, feeding your pet rats cat food, and walking on 6 feet of junk! But Ethan, myself, and a nice glass of sweet Shiraz once again defeated the evil forces of Entropy, for at least another day!

Magdalena Almy

Andrew Wyeth, Of Course

Sorry, Don't Know Who Did This But I Love It

Ya Killin Me!

Yet another pic of My Beautiful, Artificial, Prelit, White Christmas Tree

Luscious, fruity goodness in every sip!

Time for Christmas Wine and Holiday Stemware!

Christmas at Biltmore

(I've not quite mastered the Instagram thing, but it's fun, and I love anything to do with The Biltmore House, a place I am going to visit for Christmas! I cannot wait! And it's a delicious wine!)

"Mom! I want to watch the Green Grizzard!"

(I think she means The Grinch)

Ethan, My Little Artist

Proud of my little rascal! But oddly poor Sponge Bob has fallen out of favor with a lot of kids these days.  When asked if he was going to take this to school to show his friends, Ethan said: "Oh no! Nobody likes Sponge Bob anymore!" Wow! Never thought this day would come.

Love him or hate him, Sponge Bob has been immortalized by the hand of my 9 yr old!

Published in Asheboro's Courier-Tribune

Oh No She Di'int!

Hannah: "Mom, if you move my blankie, I'll....."
Me: "Girly, are you talking to me, or somebody else??!!!"
Hannah (now looking appropriately terrified): "Umm...somebody else?"
Me: "Yes, yes, I thought so."

Oh no she di'int!

Good Grief

Anybody else watch Miami Housewives while blogging? Or should I say Drunken Miami Housewives? It's a train wreck, but I can't stop watching!!

Good Grief

A 4 yr Old's Christmas Tree Vision

Hannah's very proud of this!

Taledega Nights at the Just Save with Ethan-Bobby and Ricky-Hannah

Ok, as promised, here's an oldie but goodie.

Sometimes I am forced to take my two subjects to the grocery store, against my better judgement. Before entering the store I threaten life and limb for even having thoughts of misbehaving in any way, shape or form. 

Upon entering the store, Ricky-Hannah grabs a tiny little "customer-in-training" cart and Ethan-Bobby gets one of those half-sized carts. Suddenly they both get the "crazy-eye" as they envision the aisles at the Just-Save, a local grocery store,becoming the Ramseur MotorSpeedway. Dear God, what have I done?! 

However, my previous threats have make somewhat of an impact, because they limit their racing to short bursts of speed only when my back is turned. Now Ethan-Bobby and Ricky-Hannah are super competitive, and insist that they each get the exact same number of items in their carts, which resulted in a little "rubbing" accompanied by some loudly WHISPERED smack-talk, since neither want to feel the wrath of mom. 

The hilarity of the whole scenario was almost to much to bear with a straight face, for myself and other random shoppers. We finished our shopping and Ethan-Bobby and Ricky-Hannah managed to avoid the "Big One". I thought having a girl and a boy 5 yrs apart would reduce the whole competition thing......Boy was I wrong!

A Baseball Christmas

You know your kid is "eat up" with Baseball, when half of his Christmas list contains baseball equipment. Good thing, because he just made one of our local travel teams. He was so exited! Yay Ethan! Baby girlfriend Hannah has recently decided to quit Dance and play ball too. They are sooo competitive! I don't call them Ricky-Hannah and Ethan-Bobby for no reason. I'll be sure to post that story soon!

I Don't Want To Grow Up!

Hannah: "Mom! I don't want to grow up, because I don't want holes in my ears! It'll hurt!"
Me: "But earrings are so pretty!"

Thank You khanacademy.org

Thank you khanacademy.org for proving to my 4th grader that I did not single-handedly create long division as a tool, just to torture him.

Why do public schools hate standard algorithms? They will teach a kid 5 different methods to calculate 456 divided by 4, except for the most obvious, efficient, and internationally accepted method. This results in a kid being utterly confused and frustrated. Not to mention, complete elimination of the parent as a potential tutor.

I'm told, that according to the Common Core Curriculum, the standard algorithm for long division will not be taught until 6th grade, 5th grade multiplication, 4th grade subtraction, and 3rd grade addition. TOO LATE! Long division encourages facility with not only division, but also multiplication and subtraction, not to mention  fractions. I had higher hopes for the Common Core Curriculum. Kids have to have a handle on all four functions before 5th grade. Mathematical geniuses have given us standard algorithms because WE are NOT mathematical geniuses. 

Unbelievable!

Traditional Southern Style Christmas Dinners

Here's a tip from a southern woman who appreciates healthy alternatives:
Do NOT deviate from the already established southern, traditional foods served at a family Christmas dinner. 

Your once loving family members will fight you to the death, and riot in your front yard, to preserve their beloved mac-n-cheese, sweet potatoe casserole, green bean casserole, crockpot pintos with ham hocks, biscuits, collard greens, turkey and potatoe salad.  And don't forget the bucket of KFC, because who doesn't love KFC? This cartoon is hilarious to me as my people and I try to finagle the holiday menu each year.

Heed this Warning, or be relentlessly ridiculed and accused of abandoning your roots and gettin all fancy! 

Sweet Silence and Stinky Brother

Ahhhh, the sweet silence of an empty house on a Monday morning. 12s (12hr shifts) at the Corporation are tuff, and Monday morning school prep is tuffer. Hannah was walking out the door with her Rosie Kitty stuffed animal and Ethan happened to walk by so she says: "My kitty doesn't smell good anymore because Ethan walked by!" My poor little Pig-Pen, funny thing is, he just couldn't care less.

My Beautiful White Christmas Tree!

Decorators: Ethan, Hannah, and Mama (Yes, that's a Santa hat on top, the star we had was too heavy. By the way, each ornament can be bounced off the floor, or thrown across the room and not break!)

Exterior Decor

So I'm on my way to do my 12s (12 hr shifts) at the Corporation and I noticed very few houses have begun exterior Christmas decoration. Come on people! Don't make me go to your house and unpack all that crap for ya!  The subjects (my kids and their Deddy), and I made it all happen yesterday! Merry Christmas!

Yoga

I miss yoga. Makes me less insane. I'll get back to it.

Stinky Brother

Hannah: Mom, come play with me in my room!
Ethan: I'll come play!
Hannah: No! You'll stink up my room!

Black Friday Activities

Yes I did get my fake, prelit, white, iridescent Christmas tree for 60% off!!! BAM!!!! Now, this Black Friday I didn't participate fully, like I normally do, because our family economics have been on a downward trend. I wasn't happy about it and next year, the "Christmas Fund" will be in full swing. But this year, Layaway ROCKS! And my subjects, and I spent some good, quality family time, doing the turkey/Christmas decor thing. Good Times!

Merry Thanksgiving to All!

I'm glad I put on my big girl jeans today. I'm fancy like that.
Merry Thanksgiving to All, and To All a Good Stuff!
Stuff it....Stuff it REAL good!

Believe it.

First Law of Familydynamics

As an investigator of the natural world, I have discovered what I like to call the "First Law of Familydynamics". It simply states that the orderliness of a household is directly proportional to the number of adult males and children who reside there.

As we all know, entropy (generally, the tendency toward disorder) is a force to be reckoned with, and must be valiantly fought every day, all day. It takes a fair amount of activation energy to overcome the energy barrier that entropy seems to create.

Knowing this is actually comforting, because like bathing or exercising, cleaning up after your messy family must be done constantly and consistently. Just because other people don't do it, doesn't mean that you shouldn't. And it is quite simply a law of nature to be considered, not complained about. With that in mind, I shall have no guilt in swiftly disposing crap into garbage bags, or holding ransom, specific items that someone may hold dear. Entropy sucks!

Sunrise from my back porch.

http://instagr.am/p/SQJKvuyt0g/

Miracles Happen

My darling baby 4 yr girl cleaned her room, OF HER OWN VOLITION! Just when you think you have no reason to live, a miracle happens!

Christmas Wine

Thank you dear little baby Jesus, for Christmas wine,  as it is sometimes, the only means by which mamas cope,  during the holidays.

An awesome photo that looks eerily and exactly like Ethan and his Aunt Vicki. I love it!

http://instagr.am/p/SOb8PAyt73/

So baby girl Hannah has pneumonia! However fever now gone and is playing barbies. On to the next crisis! Good Luck to my Ethan the Rascal, he has baseball tryouts today. Boy, go DO what you DO!

Ok, let me just get this out if my system, CHRISTMAS MUSIC IS HERE AND IT's FABULOUS! Don't be hatin!

Musings of a 4 yr old

"Mama, I didn't know water is so important!" Bless her little heart.

My Nephew's Science Project: The Liver Cell

This is 15 year old nephew, Ryan's, science project, a model and presentation of the Liver Cell, complete with organelles. He and his dedicated mama used a little styrofoam and clay to represent one of the most profound examples of teamwork in existence. So proud of him! Any functional unit of teamwork such as a family, city, state, or country could use the cell as a model for efficient operation. Each part/organelle/person has a special job or function toward the greater good of the whole. Science Rocks!

I hate Entropy!

Random

Random

So my 9 yr old says, "Dad, you're on duty tomorrow, you're taking the Devil (my 4 yr old daughter ) on a field trip!"......Wow.

In the Beginning

Alright, so this is my place. Be prepared, the existential craze can be contained no longer. Especially after a glass, or three of my special wine pick of the week. Tee Hee!

Anyway, I'm a mother, wife, buffoon, and natural scientist. I work a 12 hr weekend shift at the "Corporation", hunting for viruses, so that I can be with my family during the week. It's an intense and awesome schedule. I don't miss a thing. But! I am constantly perplexed, on a daily basis, about why my subjects (kids and husband), will not follow my logical and explicit plans for daily operations. 

Hence, wine and this blog! I will be rambling a little or a lot about everything. Between my little comedians and the IT professional/Deddy, I laugh it up every day!